Musings Of An Empty Nest Mom
College roommates are often the first friend your student will make on campus. Either by choice or sheer proximity.
But finding a roommate is only part of the equation. Read on to understand why college students should meet their roommate before arriving on campus.
College tours can be daunting, to say the least. Narrowing down which colleges to visit can feel like looking for a needle in a haystack. For both parents and students. Add to that inflated gas prices and airfares, and many parents would prefer to avoid the expense and hassle altogether. Enter The College Tour – a new way to experience college tours. From the comfort of your own living room.
If you haven’t had the chance to listen to Jim Burns speak, or read one of his many books, let me introduce you. Jim is a bit of an icon in terms of parenting principles and insights, both in the secular and Christian realms. He speaks to thousands of people around the world each year, is a best-selling author, has a master’s degree from Princeton and a PhD from the University of Greenwich in London.
Prior to my twins selecting their respective colleges, I was pretty sure I knew where they’d end up. Mother’s intuition is, after all, a powerful thing. With my son’s focus on Division I swimming and an urban campus, I knew he’d end up out East. And with my daughter’s passion for marine biology and a campus filled with abundant green space, I was pretty certain she would be on the West coast. I was half right.
Welcome to the Empty Nest 2.0. When your college students are officially launching into capital “A” adulting. This time it’s not the parents launching their kids, but your offspring officially launching themselves.
Empty Nest Syndrome. While it may sound like a disease, it’s actually a phrase coined for when the last child leaves home. The key symptom is a very real ache in the heart. But in this world of COVID-19, with some colleges providing online-only instruction and many recent graduates unable to find a job, some parents are experiencing the precursor (or postcursor) to the empty nest. Another fancy term – the Quasi-Empty Nest.
When I wrote my book, a mere two years ago, to help parents survive the college transition, I never imagined we would be in the middle of a global pandemic. Social distancing didn’t exist. The only people who wore face masks were dentists and doctors, and Zoom wasn’t used to host dinner parties and happy hours.
You’ve been planning for and possibly dreading it for months. Now the fateful day has arrived. You are officially dropping your child off at college for the first time. If this idea sparks a mix of emotions ranging from pride to fear and maybe even a tiny bit of nausea, don’t worry. You’re not alone.
Just two years ago, I was in the exact same place. We drove up to our daughter’s dorm with a rented Suburban packed to the roof. I had a pit in my stomach that had been a constant companion for over a week. But at the same time, I was overwhelmed with pride that my baby girl was grown up and ready to experience all that college had to offer. I survived and you will too. Read on for six tips on how to survive dropping your child off at college. Spoiler alert – your college student will be just fine. Even if you aren’t.
One of the best parts of publishing my book, They’re Ready, Are You? A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the College Transition, is the connections I’m making with parents and guardians of college students. I’ve had the privilege of getting to know single moms who bravely sent their only child (or children) across the country for college. I’ve also spoken with people who have struggled with depression in the wake of their student leaving home and have been graciously embraced by parent groups on social media. The result has been nothing short of inspiring.
So, when I virtually “met” two mothers of international students who chose to study abroad in the States, it seemed natural to share their stories. My hope is that other international student’s support systems learn something about sending their kids to another country, or the other side of the world, to attend college. Is it intended to be an exhaustive list of tips for parents and guardians of international students coming to the U.S.? Not at all. Rather it shares two family’s experiences, from two very different countries, along with their insights and advice.
Parents and guardians today expect a significant amount of input into their child’s college choice. Which is totally understandable given the cost. This level of parent involvement is far different from a few decades ago when my parents simply told me to “pick an in-state school.”
Did I consider that my chosen university had 40,000 students and I was an only child from a small town? Nope. Did I foresee taking classes in lecture halls with 600 students? Not a chance. When I struggled to adjust during my freshman year, I made the erroneous decision that I didn’t like college. So, I took a year off and moved home.
Were my parents worried that I’d never return to school and get my degree? You bet. Which is why choosing the right college is so important. But here’s a tip. Parents, it’s not your decision. This one is totally up to your future collegian. Your job is to provide them with the resources to make the best decision for themselves.
