The Sophomore Year Goodbye

You’d think that sending your college student off to their second year of school would be easier. Not exactly. Rationally, you know that your child knows what to expect, has established friend groups and either survived or thrived their freshman year. Unfortunately, as parents our emotions aren’t as black and white. Even if your college kid was home for the summer and driving you nuts by the end, you still will miss them. Despite your best efforts, saying goodbye has the same sting, and in some cases, tears, the second time around. Guess what mom and dad? That’s part of growing up. For both you and your college student.

The 2nd Year of College: What’s Easier for Empty Nesters

As the mother of twins, when my first went to college, so did my last. So it helps to note what makes this time easier than the emotionally-charged freshman year.

Both kids chose to move themselves into their off-campus houses. At first I panicked at not seeing where they were living with my own eyes. However, when my son declared that he preferred we didn’t see his house until it had given it a thorough cleaning, I readily acquiesced. Praise God for this foresight. The mother of one of his teammates burst into tears as soon as she saw the condition her son’s room when she moved him in.

The other bonus was that my husband and I didn’t have to embark on a 10-hour round-trip plane ride, or 14-hour car ride, for a half day of getting them settled. Not only did this save us time and money, but it also preserved my sanity. I was able to hug our daughter goodbye, and two weeks later our son, and then walk into the comfort of my own home and have a good cry. As opposed to pulling myself together and enduring a lengthy plane/car ride home when I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position.

From a purely practical standpoint, the second year of college reminds you of the benefits of being empty nesters. Honestly, it’s pretty nice not to empty the dishwasher daily, do tons of laundry, and have our grocery bill cut by two thirds. We also revel in getting to bed earlier, although we wouldn’t trade the late-night Netflix binges with our kids for anything. And having our offspring back at school definitely helps our waistlines. We don’t pretend that we can eat like college kids without gaining weight.

The 2nd Year of College:  What’s Hard for Empty Nesters

Honestly, the hardest part of the sophomore experience is saying goodbye to your college student, all over again. Whether your child has been home for a month or three, the reality is that you’ve gotten used to having them around. And saying goodbye just hurts. Every. Single. Time.

As we stood at the airport watching the bag tags being attached to my son’s luggage, indicating a destination far, far away, I felt a lump in my throat. I hugged him goodbye, cried and held on for dear life. When we arrived home, my husband thoughtfully said he would move my son’s bike, so it didn’t take up room in our garage. To which I responded with a big gulp and tiny whisper, “Can’t we leave it there for just a little while longer?” Later, when I walked into my kids’ rooms, left tidier than they had been all summer, my tummy did its own belly flop. I realized how empty their bedrooms seemed, devoid of their presence. Yes, this is emotional, heartstring-tugging stuff, but friends this is what parenting and letting go with grace is all about.

They’re Growing Up

Watching the difference in both of our kids from when they started college has been staggering, awe-inspiring and a little scary. They look significantly older than the high school seniors they were just 15 months ago. This is confirmed by the number of people at church and around town commenting with open-mouthed shock and awe at the fact that our kids are now adults.

We’ve seen their maturity level increase as they have become more independent. This means that they don’t call to check in as much as the fall of their freshman year and that’s okay. Even if we sometimes take it personally. In reality, this means we’ve done our job as parents. We’ve given them the tools to fly and be free, knowing they always have a safe, soft place to land whenever they choose to come home.