Tips for College Parents – How to Enjoy The Empty Nest

Yes, you heard me right. Regardless of whether you have a freshman or an upperclassman, chances are you spent part of your summer catering to their needs. Which is a true blessing, don’t get me wrong. But it can make any parent weary. Especially if you’re like us and tried to embrace their college bedtime schedule over your own.

So take a nap when you have the chance. Yes, your to-do list will still be there when you wake up, but you’ll be re-energized to tackle it again. Even though it should go without saying, go to bed early enough that you get a full eight hours of sleep. It’s doctor-recommended and proven to make you more effective at work and life in general. 

Another way to rejuvenate yourself is allocating time each day to do something you enjoy. Read a book (remember those hard- or soft-cover things with pages?), treat yourself to a magazine that isn’t about parenting or simply sit on your front porch and take in the colors, smells and sounds that mark this autumnal time of year. There is value in doing nothing and simply paying attention to the world around you.

For some of us, a house without kids can feel a bit empty. You feel sad and are not quite sure why. And that’s OK. It’s a transition. Which quite honestly, can feel like a loss. Embrace the feeling, grieve the change and move on when you’re ready. If you’re one of those parents who can’t wait for the door to hit your collegians on their way out, that’s just fine too. Everyone responds to this stage of life differently.

What better way to signify the beginning of something new, than to create an informal celebration. For single parents, it can be as simple as giving yourself a day off to do whatever your heart desires (more on that in a future blog.) Couples can celebrate with a good old-fashioned candlelight dinner at home. One option is cooking together, but only if you enjoy it and find it to be a bonding experience. Otherwise, takeout is always a great alternative with the added bonus of no clean up. Put on some romantic music, toast your newfound independence and most importantly, turn off the television.

If you’re looking for something more elaborate, consider taking a celebratory trip to mark the beginning of this new era. As a father of twins, my husband foresaw this transition as being hard on both of us, well in advance of the day both kids actually moved out.

When they turned one year old, we were were storing their infant clothes as keepsakes. Suddenly, my husband told me that he was going to take me to Europe when the twins went to college. To which, I responded, “I’ll be just fine.”

Fast forward two years to their first day of preschool. As I hugged both kids goodbye, for a mere two hours, my eyes filled with tears and their teacher promptly shooed me away. I drove home in full ugly cry mode. Once safely there, I called my husband and confirmed that I would, in fact, be desperately in need of a celebratory trip to Europe when they went to college. Not only did he stay true to his promise, 15 years later, but he planned the whole trip so all I had to do was pack a suitcase. Yep, he’s a keeper!

Last, but not least, don’t be afraid to call your college student. Of course, you don’t want to pester him/her every day, which is what many empty nest parents make the mistake of doing.  The truth is that they are so busy with friends, classes and activities that they may simply forget to call you. Which doesn’t mean that your young adult doesn’t want to talk to you. Sometimes they want to hear your voice, just as much as you want to hear theirs.

Before you pick up the phone, however, there are a few things I’ve learned that make talking to your college student, instead of texting, Snapchating or Instagraming, more successful.

First, know your student’s class schedule. Ask them to send it to you at the beginning of each semester and save it on your phone. That way you’ll know when they have open periods of time.

Second, text them during these open windows and ask them when is a good time for them to talk. Otherwise you will likely be disappointed with a short, yes/no type of conversation while they are trying to make it to class on time or are hanging out with their friends.

Third, keep it short, recognizing that their time is limited. Ask them about themselves rather than launching into a diatribe of how much you miss them, how Aunt Sally is feeling or what is going on at work. By engaging in your student’s life at school, you ensure that they will start to look forward to your calls and may even reach out to you without you reaching out to them. Just imagine!