One of the best parts of publishing my book, They’re Ready, Are You? A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the College Transition, is the connections I’m making with parents and guardians of college students. I’ve had the privilege of getting to know single moms who bravely sent their only child (or children) across the country for college. I’ve also spoken with people who have struggled with depression in the wake of their student leaving home and have been graciously embraced by parent groups on social media. The result has been nothing short of inspiring.
So, when I virtually “met” two mothers of international students who chose to study abroad in the States, it seemed natural to share their stories. My hope is that other international student’s support systems learn something about sending their kids to another country, or the other side of the world, to attend college. Is it intended to be an exhaustive list of tips for parents and guardians of international students coming to the U.S.? Not at all. Rather it shares two family’s experiences, from two very different countries, along with their insights and advice.
Reasons for Studying Abroad in the U.S.
International students have a variety of reasons for choosing to attend college in the States. One of the parents that I interviewed, who lives in England, had a child who was a track athlete and wanted to attend a Division I school in the U.S. Her daughter was a national champion at age 17, and since the facilities in America are better than in the U.K., she actively applied to American universities.
As the mother Joanne recalls, “She did all the research, all the contacting, produced her own CV and video. I thought, if you can’t do this bit, I don’t know how you’ll be able to do other things, so I made it her decision.” Her daughter graduated from college in the U.S. a few years ago and is now working and living back in England. Joanne says that whenever her daughter walks past a gym and hears the plunk of the weights, “she gets the shivers,” recalling all the hours that she spent in the gym herself during college.
Another parent of an international student says her daughter wanted to study abroad since their family was constantly moving in and out of the U.S. and traveled abroad extensively. While the mother is from Columbia, the family lived in the States for nine years, then Chile for nine years and now they live in Brazil. “Going to international schools created an environment where my daughter was already exposed to different cultures and students who would graduate and move from Europe to the U.S., Asia and many other distinct countries,” says Olga.
While her daughter is fluent in both Spanish and Portuguese, she speaks better English since she was born in Ohio. Despite going to college in the States, Olga says of her daughter, “I know she has Latin blood, so she would like to have some Latino friends or Americans who like Latino culture at her college.” Olga’s daughter is considered part of a larger group that universities refer to as Third Culture Kids – students who have grown up in a culture or country that is different from their parents.
Challenges of Being an International Student
Olga’s daughter attended international schools when she was living in Chile, so she regularly interacted with children from different nationalities while still learning English. “My daughter has friends from Canada, the USA, Lebanon, Korea, France, Italy and Norway,” says Olga. “It was an amazing experience for her since she understands more of the world, cultures, religions and different points of view.”
Despite her third culture kid’s choice to study abroad, Olga acknowledges that the transition to attend college in the U.S. has not been easy. “It is a difficult adjustment to make from when a student grows up going to a school with a wide range of diversities to one where the majority of students are from the same state and have little to no knowledge of the world around them,” she says.
The solution? Olga’s daughter believes that she needs to find people who are willing to learn about and be open to diverse backgrounds and ethnicities. From a parent’s perspective, Olga suggests that U.S. colleges could make the transition for international students easier by recruiting from international schools around the world to create a larger pool of diversity.
On the other end of the spectrum is Joanne’s daughter. Since she was a college athlete, the adjustment to attending university in the States was pretty seamless. “For her as an international student, going to college in America was very exciting,” Joanne recalls. “She had the extra blanket of support from the track team and she sorted everything else for herself; because she had to.”
Parent and Guardian’s Concerns
Regardless of how well your student adjusts, sending your child to another country to attend college can be nerve wracking for even the most stalwart parents and guardians. Safety is a top concern, regardless of nationality.
This was especially poignant for Joanne since there was a shooting at a movie theater close to her daughter’s college, right before she was set to fly to the States to move into her dorm. According to Joanne, “That was very unusual for us since guns are banned in the U.K. The gun culture in the U.S. is so radically different that keeping her safe was on my list of silent prayers that I offered up time and again.”
Another concern is the time difference and how often parents and guardians will be able to talk with their student. Joanne’s time zone in England was seven hours behind the U.S., so she couldn’t speak to her student until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Since her daughter’s grandparents weren’t well, Joanne worried that something would happen to them and she wouldn’t be able to tell her daughter until the next day.
Challenges for Parents and Guardians of International Students
As is to be expected, saying goodbye is one of the biggest challenges for folks who make up the support systems of international students. Joanne admits that she still doesn’t like going to Healthrow airport, since it reminds her of all the times during her daughter’s college career that they would drop her off.
And then there is the sheer distance between parents or guardians and their international student. Olga says, “The biggest challenge was being so far away from my child, especially when she experienced a lot of homesickness the first year.” Joanne concurs saying that she couldn’t see her student athlete win the Mountain West Conference High Jump Title in Albuquerque, which was incredibly disappointing and one of the downsides of being so far away.
Advantages of Studying Abroad in the U.S.
Both mothers offer insights for parents and guardians of international students who are considering attending college in the States. “My advice would be to keep sending their children abroad because it is important to break barriers and find the good in difficult situations,” says Olga. “The same is true for the school who receives the international students. It helps existing students learn about other cultures, points of view and open their minds.”
And then there are the lifelong friendships that span continents. After Joanne’s daughter moved back to England, she still visited the States regularly to see her friends, even attending her track teammate’s wedding. And the feeling is mutual. Whenever her friends from the U.S. travel to Europe, she meets them where there are, be it Madrid, some other cosmopolitan city or a different country. “Cementing friendships is important,” says Joanne.
Another advantage to sending your international student to the U.S. for college is that it puts things in perspective for parents. “I didn’t have to worry about the small things,” says Joanne. “I just had to worry about how long it would take me to get to her if there was a crisis.” She mentions how parents and guardians today tend to get caught up in the minutiae, instead of focusing on emotional support for their college student. Which is way more important than if they did their laundry, their homework or what they ate for dinner. As Joanne says, “If you don’t let go, they can’t go.”
Advice for Parents and Guardians of International Students
Some parting advice that can also be applied to parents and guardians of all college students, not just international students. “Let them find things out for themselves, because you aren’t there and can’t sort them out for them anyway,” advises Joanne. “It speeds up the process of them becoming less of a child and more of an adult.”
When asked if she would send her daughter abroad to study again, Joanne replies, “Of course! Would I swap having her living at home or perhaps living locally? Not for what she experienced.”
Photo by Nareeta Martin on Unsplash
