When I wrote my book, a mere two years ago, to help parents survive the college transition, I never imagined we would be in the middle of a global pandemic. Social distancing didn’t exist. The only people who wore face masks were dentists and doctors, and Zoom wasn’t used to host dinner parties and happy hours.
With parents and college students alike filled with angst, I thought it might help to offer some tips to help parents cope with sending students to college in the constantly evolving “new normal.” Whether your student is a freshman or a senior, this blog shares new perspectives on the moving target that is college education during COVID-19. Looking back, don’t you yearn for the good old days when our biggest concern was how to stay in touch with our college students? Silly us.
Parents of Freshmen – Assist Don’t Fix
While every student has their own set of challenges amid an airborne pandemic, freshmen starting college in the fall of 2020 may perhaps feel it the most poignantly. Those same high school seniors who were ready to leave home with nary a passing glance may have morphed into tearful, wide-eyed young adults anxious about what college will look like this fall. Sadly, the reality is that this is one thing that parents and guardians can’t fix. There are an infinite number of variables that will affect when your student arrives on campus, how and where they will learn and when they come home to visit.
On-Campus Learning
Be an example to your student by accepting the new reality and staying informed from the university. Help your student be prepared for whatever protocol the school is following. Is your freshman attending a college where students will be returning to campus? Suggest they make or buy a number of face masks so that they can be thrown in the laundry after a day or two. Remind them that the best way to sanitize masks is by washing them in the washing machine and not by hand. Stock up on hand sanitizer and disinfecting wipes/spray for their dorm room, especially if they will be sharing a common bathroom.
Wait to discuss what move-in will look like until the institution lets you know of their process. Many colleges are using staggered move-ins to avoid the usual glut of students and families in elevators and stairwells. Acknowledge and accept that this may mean your student arrives on campus earlier or later than they (and you) had anticipated. Prepare yourself for the fact that dorms may be limiting the number of people helping each student move-in. So your original vision of the whole family showing up on campus may no longer be realistic.
Most importantly, make sure that your student is aware of the testing protocols for COVID-19 on campus and where to get tested. Both of our kid’s colleges are requiring mandatory testing of students upon their return to campus. Students will also be asked to fill out a daily health screening via an app on their phone provided by the university. If your student’s school is using such a process, encourage your child to complete the screening daily and take it seriously. This is an excellent way for university health departments to be proactive and enables contact tracing. Something crucial for preventing the virus from spreading unchecked throughout campus.
Online or Hybrid Learning
If your student’s college will be offering online classes, or a hybrid approach, brainstorm ideas with them on how they can find a quiet place to study or listen to lectures without being distracted. When our daughter was home for two months in the spring after her classes went online, she would watch lectures and study in my husband’s office everyday while he was on conference calls. Armed with earbuds and an endless supply of caffeine from a coffee maker we moved into our home office, she “went to class” while her dad was “at work.” This helped her avoid the draw of her comfy bed and the procrastination that likely would have ensued.
Most importantly, don’t assume your freshman is just peachy keen with all the changes, even if they put up a good front. Be alert to any underlying concerns or stress. Ask the right questions to get a pulse on how they are handling the uncertainty. Open communication is key during these unprecedented times. Even if it takes a little detective work on your part to eke out what they’re concerned about.
Students Taking A Gap Year – Structure is Key
Given the high cost of college tuition and the immense uncertainty of what life on campus will look like this fall, many students are considering taking a gap year. This is a realistic choice for many incoming college freshmen and as well as some upper classmen. The tricky part is that a gap year during COVID-19 looks nothing like it did in the past. Traveling abroad is no longer an option and many structured gap year programs have been put on hold due to the pandemic.
So how best to support your student if they have chosen to take a gap year? First, make sure that they incorporate structure into their days, but leave it up to them to decide just what that will look like. Suggestions include taking a class or two online at a community college to keep them in the learning flow, volunteering at a local nonprofit one or two days a week and getting a job to cover their expenses while they are living at home. Ask your student how they want to structure their gap year and then hold them to it.
Second, recognize that college students are by nature highly social creatures. Discuss together how they can see their friends safely without putting the rest of the family at risk. Meeting for coffee at a park instead of a restaurant, giving them an outdoor space at home where they can hang out with friends or even turning your garage into a makeshift game room are all ideas. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. All of us are figuring out this strange new world together.
Students Living Off-Campus – Not A Bad Thing
While some parents and guardians feel that living on campus has its merits, living off-campus is actually not a bad thing during COVID. Say, for example, your student is living in an off-campus house. They don’t have the added exposure of common entrances and elevators, not to mention less people in a house than on the floor of a dorm. And cooking for themselves also has advantages. Especially at a time when some colleges are limiting the number of students who can eat in a dining hall at any given time and are encouraging grab-and-go food choices. Plus, students who live off-campus can learn the valuable skills of not only cooking, but also meal planning, healthy eating and how to stay within a budget for groceries.
One key to off-campus students staying safe during a pandemic is limiting the amount of time on public transportation and choosing to walk or ride their own bike instead. Additionally, roommates should agree on the number of people allowed to visit their off-campus house or apartment, how often to disinfect high-touch surfaces and whether or not to disinfect their groceries. And, just like off-campus life before COVID, students should be diligent about locking the exterior door of their residence, as well as locking their own room when they leave for class. Most importantly they need to be mindful of their surroundings when walking at night and use the buddy system to keep each other safe.
Seniors – Class of 2021
Seniors are near and dear to my heart. And not just because I have two soon-to-be graduates of the class of 2021. I’ve also seen firsthand how the pandemic affected their many friends who “graduated” just a few short months ago. And how heartbroken they were when their senior classmates moved home in March and never went back for a ceremony. The disappointment is palpable. As well it should be. Many of these students, mine included, feel like they are getting jipped out of the last year and a half of their college experience. The question is how to help when we as parents and guardians are truly powerless given the current environment.
My best advice is quietly coaching from the sidelines. Empathize when they express frustration at what they’re missing out on. Encourage them to start the job search early given the uncertainty of the job market and consider other options such as grad school, unpaid internships or even living at home for a period of time after graduation to save money. My husband and I have counseled our kids on the need to be flexible, open-minded, and adaptable since nobody knows what things will look like in a month, let alone next spring. This applies to everything from classes starting on-campus with the ever-present possibility of them moving online to what graduation will look like.
And as parents we need to follow our own advice. Treasure whatever snippets of family time you can find, whether many or few, and adjust your expectations for grades, careers, and life after college. It’s a whole different world than it was just a few short months ago.
Stay Connected – Not Too Much, Just Enough
Regardless of whether your student is a freshman, upper classman, living off-campus, attending classes in person, or learning online, there is one common thread. Students pursuing higher education during these unprecedented times will be faced with unforeseen challenges. Perhaps even daily. These naturally social creatures who chose to attend school away from home are facing an entirely different experience than they signed up for. Sports are cancelled, clubs may be meeting virtually, recreation centers may be closed, and the list goes on.
What college students really need from parents and guardians is the feeling of being connected. Without infringing on their newfound, albeit limited by COVID, independence. So, while Parent’s Weekends may not be happening and its uncertain when your student will come home to visit, there are a few things in every parent’s toolbox that can help. An occasional text or phone call to let them know you’re thinking of them can work wonders. Note that I said an occasional text or phone call, not a daily text or phone call. Let them reach out to you when they want to talk. Trust me, your phone conversations will be richer for it.
Care packages filled with their favorite foods and treats, or even a good old-fashioned card or note in the mail can brighten their day with reminders of home. Another creative idea is conspiring with their roommate and ordering takeout from a favorite restaurant to be delivered after a long day of class. After 18 years, chances are you know your child’s love language and can come up with even better ideas tailored just to them.
The most important thing you can do for your college student during COVID-19? Support and love them with every fiber of your being, while giving them the space to adjust to and figure out their new normal in a world where the target is constantly changing. Because the one sure way to help them adjust is if you can be adaptable yourself.
Thank you for this timely post! I am sure many parents have appreciated these tips.
My pleasure Katrina. I actually wrote the post in response to a request from parents sending students to college in the midst of COVID-19. Thanks for reading, Liz
This made me tear up!
Kendall,
I’m glad it created emotion for you. You’ll have to read my book sometime. I literally cried while I was writing the chapter on Saying Goodbye, but it was very cathartic as well! Thanks for reading, Liz